12 Tips for Simpler Entertaining

Does the word "entertaining" conjure up visions of pristine tablecloths and sparkling silverware, cocktails and canapes? Well, in our home we entertain almost every weekend, and you'll see none of those things, ever. The only thing we guarantee is a warm and welcoming home and plenty of food on the table.

When I was talking about cures for life's big and little ailments last week, Anu asked,

"Between working full time and managing a preschooler and a baby, I feel the last thing I want to do is cook for people on weekends. But, I want to have people over too, any tips on how to get over this mental block? Is there a book to cure this? :)"

While I can't think of a suitable book about the warm fuzzy feeling of cooking for friends (if you think of one, leave a comment, please), I do have a lot to say on the subject and thought of writing this post instead of writing the world's longest comment.

I have people over for meals because I like to feed people. Also, I'm a homebody and I'd rather have my fun at home than go out on weekends. Beyond the simple pleasure of sharing food, it is how casual acquaintances grow to become close friends, when the small talk continues to deeper conversations about our hopes and dreams and fears. This is especially important for expats who live far, far away from family. Our friends become the family we choose. Over the years, we have realized that formal entertaining is not our style, but that casual meals fit in well into our lifestyle. This beautiful meditation on formality echoes my thoughts on the matter.

I truly believe that entertaining is not just for socialites. However, with all the juggling that people are required to do- working full time, caring for kids and other family members- it also should not become one more thing that adds to your burdens. So here are my top 12 tips for simpler entertaining, a pep talk of sorts. There's nothing new here, but sometimes it helps to be reminded. It requires a mindset of being at peace with yourself and embracing your own entertaining style, never comparing yourself to anyone else, of knowing that your goal is not to impress anyone but to build a happy community around yourself and share your home and bounty with others. 

From a memorable lunch that I was
invited to

1. Think beyond "dinner" parties. Hosting a full-fledged dinner can seem daunting. A great way to start small is to invite friends over for tea, cocoa or lemonade in the afternoon. Serve some cake, sandwiches, or snacks and you have yourself a party. Other ideas for not-dinner parties could be an ice-cream social on a hot summer afternoon, a wine & cheese party for grown-ups and a cookie party during the holidays.

Choose the best time of day for your schedule and serve some meal that fits that time. My personal favorite is to have friends over for brunch at 10 or 11 AM- I'm a morning bird and it is easier for me to put together a meal in the morning than in the evening. Brunch dishes are easy to make and almost everyone I know enjoys them. Then, host and guests get to have the rest of the day to do whatever they please.

Part food with help from the store:
crackers, fruit, cheese

2. The whole menu does not have to be cooked at home. You could order in food from a favorite restaurant. You can get pizza delivered and make a salad to go with it. Dessert can be a favorite store-bought ice cream or pie or simply a bowl of fresh seasonal fruit. In short, there are countless ways of filling in a menu with favorite store-bought or restaurant-bought foods. Once I really wanted to throw a birthday party for Neighbor Girl but couldn't do any cooking because it was a busy weekday, so we invited a bunch of friends and ordered in Thai take-out from our favorite restaurant. I made a birthday ice cream instead of cake where the recipe consisted of mixing a few things and pouring the mix into the ice cream maker. It was so much fun and very little work.

3. Accept a dish if it is offered. If your guest asks to bring  a dish, accept graciously. It is a win-win situation. It gives them a chance to contribute to the meal and they don't have to go looking for another hostess gift like wine or flowers. And one thing on the menu is taken care of.

In the same way, when I'm invited as a guest, I always offer to bring a dish. The key is to make a fairly specific offer: "May I bring over an appetizer or the dessert?" to which it is easy for the host to respond, "Dessert would be lovely, thanks" rather than the vague, "Can I bring something?" which invariably compels the host to say, "No, you don't need to bring anything".

Part of a taco bar

4. Try a "build your own" food bar. One of our best parties recently was a grilled cheese bar (some details in this post), and taco bars always go over well. I once attended a holiday party with a chili bar- big pots of meat and vegetarian chili with a bunch of fixings: cornbread, spaghetti, cheese, lettuce etc. The prep for these meals is fairly quick and it is a great way to cater to people with different dietary needs. Think of ways to simplify the menu.







5. Potlucks are popular for a good reason. They make it possible for large groups of people to get together while sharing the responsibility.

6. A quick tidying up is all you need. We live in a real home, not in the pages of Better Homes and Gardens, and there's no sense in pretending otherwise. Not to mention that a toddler and a dog call it home too. We just put out fresh towels, scoop up scattered toys into bins and vacuum the floor. 10 minutes and we're ready for company.

My philosophy is that the kind of home I want for my family is the same kind of home I want for my guests- reasonably tidy and clean. So there's no special cleaning for company. I will say that it helps tremendously that we don't have a lot of stuff- there is minimal furniture and no knick knacks whatsoever. If you have too many things which results in clutter and makes it hard to do a quick cleaning, you may want to subtract but perhaps that's a discussion for another time.

If you have a friend who peeks under the sofa looking for dust bunnies, I would recommend getting rid of the friend even before you get rid of the dust bunnies. Seriously, we need to surround ourselves with warm, gracious and forgiving friends, not mean-minded people who are looking for ways to bring us down.

7. Organize get-togethers outside the home: If you're still feeling stressed about inviting people into your home, consider meeting outside, perhaps for a picnic in the park when the weather is nice.

8. Make it a movie night or a game night. Sometimes it can help to move the focus of the party away from the food. How about a movie evening where you serve popcorn and snacks? Or a game night where you play scrabble or cards or antakshari and serve some chaat to nibble on.

I forgot to put sugar in the muffins.
We survived.

9. Mistakes, missteps and mishaps are a learning opportunity. Sometimes, you make too little food, or the entree burns or gets over-salted. Or maybe two guests get into a heated argument about politics. None of this is a crisis. None of your guests are at risk of starving to death. Take a deep breath and try again. Of all the things that can go wrong in life, these are the most insignificant ones.







10. Communicate. If you're wondering if friends are expecting a full-blown home-cooked meal of korma and biryani while you're planning to order in pizza, don't sit and wonder and worry. E-mail them or call them and say, "We found this great pizza place- how about coming over for some  take-out pizza and salad and ice cream on Sunday night?" and see what they say. If you're worried about the reaction to something that you're planning, just ask ahead of time so friends know what to expect.

11. Relax. Think about the times you've been invited to someone's home and what you've enjoyed, then you know what your guests will enjoy. Me- I love it when my hosts are happy and relaxed and let me feel at home. I like when I'm offered seconds but don't like when I am forced to eat more than I want to. I feel anxious when the host hovers and fusses over me. It is not fun when the host apologizes for every little thing and you are compelled to protest again and again, "No, no, everything is great, really". Just kick back and enjoy the moment and the company. The food and the venue is secondary.

12. Being a good host comes with practice, practice and practice. Start small, take baby steps, see what works and do it again. Note the missteps and try to avoid them. Having friends over is a chance to be creative and show someone a good time and the friendship you get out of it is worth the extra dishes you have to wash!

I'll leave you with a recipe for your next party: my version of sev-puri.

Simplifying is all very good but I fear that my recipe for quick sev-puri is a bit too simple and quick. Because I can assemble a plate of sev-puri in under 3 minutes using stuff I have on hand and that can lead to some disastrous snacking. Consider yourself warned.

Things you need to stock up on:
1. A bag of tortilla chips, I use these in place of the traditional flour puris simply because they are easier to source.
2. Buy plain sev, sold in Indian stores.
3. Keep a boiled potato or two in the fridge.
4. Make a large batch of date tamarind chutney and store in jars, one in the fridge and the rest in the freezer.

To make sev-puri at a moment's notice:
1. Mix diced boiled potato, minced onion (a very small amount) and lots of minced cilantro.
2. Spread tortilla chips in a platter.
3. Scoop a bit of the potato mixture on each.
4. Sprinkle with salt and cayenne pepper to taste.
5.  Add dollops of the sweet chutney.
6. Top with sev and enjoy right away.

Happy Thanksgiving to all my friends in the US- I hope you have a wonderful holiday! I'll be back next Monday with the list for November 2013.

Meanwhile, tell us in the comments: Do you enjoy having friends over in your home? Got any tips to share?