The Evolution of Family Dinner

2013 started out in the best way possible, with a big pile of books patiently waiting to be devoured. For the past few days, I've been reading Dinner: A Love Story by Jenny Rosenstrach.

Image: Goodreads

Part cookbook and part memoir, this book chronicles the evolution of family dinner for one American family- from life as a young professional couple to the time of young parenthood and raising two kids under two, to the present time when parents and school-going kids gather at the dinner table.

In many cultures, cooking dinner every night would be the absolute norm; but in the US, eating out every night or relying on frozen meals is not unusual at all, which is what makes this book a good resource for families who are trying to get into the habit of cooking and eating family dinner. Interspersed through the book are essays, tips and this family's favorite recipes.

Interestingly, from an early time in her married life, the author kept a daily dinner diary (she's been doing this for over 14 years). Just a line scribbled in a notebook noting the dinner menu of the day. The book contains several pictures of pages from her  notes. I can see how this little habit can be quite useful in many ways. For very little effort, one could have a mini-diary of family life, with mentions of celebratory meals and birthday dinners, as well as records of weeks and months of hurried meals and frequent take-out meals when a big work project was underway, say, or when the family welcomed a new baby. On a more practical level, one could see at a glance what the most popular meals on the dinner rotation are- a useful tool for those moments when you feel like you're completely out of ideas about what to make for dinner tonight.

I was so inspired by this idea that starting last week, I started keeping a dinner diary of my own. It is a plain old lined notebook with a little pen tucked into it, and my cue to write a 10 second dinner note is when I'm turning down the kitchen light for the night.

There was some stuff in this book that did not resonate with me. The author's frequent and lengthy essays on mommy guilt, for instance. Guilt is so boring and unproductive- I avoid it at all costs. This family's eating habits are very meat and fish-centric so I did not find the recipes in this book very useful, although there is a recipe for salad pizza that looks just delicious. Finally, I would have to say that her blanket rule of not having family dinner with kids under 3 is ludicrous. It can work very well for some families- more often than not, our 15 month old eats with us at the table, eating the same dinner we're eating. I'm not saying that it always works, or that it will continue to work for us as schedules (and levels of pickiness) change, but there's no reason to strongly advise parents to not even try.

There are several things in this book that I really really identified with. The first is her acknowledgement family dinner is a family affair, in the sense that in a 2-parent household, there has to be equality and both parents have to do their share of household chores. The other idea that resonated with me is this basic love for family dinner. There is so much joy in coming together in the kitchen, chatting and playing and making dinner together. We go to work to earn our daily bread, or rozi roti as the expression in Hindi goes. The dinner hour is when we get the joy of actually translating that dough that we earn into real bread for our table. Microwaving a frozen dinner just does not have that same feel to it. The third valuable take-away lesson from this book is that there's no need to strive for perfection- just do the best you can.

As I read about the author's chronicles about family dinners over the years, I enjoyed thinking about my own experience with family dinner throughout my life. Dinners as a child were often eaten with my sister because my parents typically worked in the evenings- picture two picky eaters trying to eat together, staring unwillingly at their plates. While attending junior college in Mumbai, I lived with an aunt who hated to cook (and who hadn't a clue about balanced nutrition or parenting at the time- that all has completely changed since then), and dinners were usually food delivered from nearby restaurants or get this- Pepsi and chips. Isn't this what all teenagers dream about? And yet, I got sick of it and started to cook on my own. Later, there were dinners with my uncle and his family where the whole family ate dinner while watching Looney Tunes because the only way the toddler cousin would eat was while staring at Cartoon Network. Then followed dinners at hostel at graduate school, sitting with a gang of girlfriends frowning at the green mush of a subzi- but by then, I was well over my pickiness and ate the green mush very enthusiastically.

The first time I had access to a kitchen was in graduate school in NYC. My roommate happened to be American and vegetarian, and she and I took turns cooking dinner. In return for cooking and cleaning every other night, we got to enjoy a hearty home-cooked meal every single night- what a great deal. She often made falafel (from a box), tofu (dredged in egg and breadcrumbs and fried- SO good), homemade pizza, tortilla soup (that I still make very often). I often made chana masala, egg curry and pasta. We may have been overworked students on modest stipends but we ate like royalty.

And then there are the last few years, where V and I have been enjoying family dinners by ourselves, with friends and with our baby. Our dinner time seems to be moving to an earlier hour all the time- it started as 8 PM in NYC, then 7 PM in St. Louis and now we eat at 6 PM. (I live my life by the clock and when we really do eat on the hour, on the dot.) With my fondness for early dinner, it can be hard when we visit friends/relatives who think nothing of eating dinner at 9 PM or even later. I'm practically fainting with hunger by then.

The one glaring (and blaring) thing I need to change about our family dinner these days is to learn to switch off the TV. Our dinner time is 6 PM and that's just the time when I feel like having the local and national news on in the background. It is a horrid habit. I need to convince myself that the news is not worth watching anyway, and we should focus on enjoying dinner and conversation.

So that's my rambling essay about family dinner. This book is going to be listed under the Foodies Read challenge on my 2013 Reading Challenges page. Yes, I managed to join a couple more challenges before the new year began.

Today, I woke up with a plan- I had a new recipe to try that I was quite sure would make it into our dinner rotation. I was going to run to the store to pick up some vegetables, then cook and blog about the  recipe in this post. But you know the old saying about the best laid plans of mice and men going down the tubes? Something to that effect. (Sorry, Robert Burns.) Well, after several weeks of enjoying good health, our poor Dale is very sick today. So I'm staying home and trying to make him comfortable. Last time he got this way, he bounced back very well, and we are keeping our fingers crossed that he recovers again. I'll see you next week with an update, and maybe even a new recipe or two.

Your turn- tell me something about dinner in your family.