A Quick Weeknight Curry (And Mama Goes To Parenting School)

This week has been a milestone of sorts. Our darling 5 month old started falling asleep (!) in her crib (!!) at 7 PM (!!!), allowing V and I to actually sit down and enjoy a meal together. Eating dinner together at a reasonable hour is a rare and novel concept for parents of young babies. I am knocking loudly on wood as I type this, for fear of jinxing this whole thing.

Last night I celebrated the new routine by making a luscious curry. The recipe is pretty generic but it was quick and tasty so here it is. The leftover curry made for a tasty lunch this afternoon (that's my lunchbox in the picture). I made the curry in a deep wok instead of a shallow saucepan, making it easy to dip in the immersion blender and puree the ingredients to a smooth sauce.

Luscious Curry with a Few Variations

1. Heat 2-3 tsp. of oil.
2. Peel and dice 2 large onions. Fry the onions until soft and golden brown.
3. Add 1 tbsp. ginger garlic paste, 1 heaped tsp. Kitchen King masala, turmeric, red chili powder and salt to taste and fry for a minute.
4. Add 1 cup tomatoes (fresh or canned) and fry for 5 minutes.
5. Add 2/3 cup coconut milk (1 mini can) and 1 cup water (or more or less, depending on the consistency you like). Simmer for 10 minutes, then puree to a smooth sauce using an immersion blender, (or cool down the mixture and use a regular blender or food processor).
6. To the sauce, add any of the following ingredients to customize the curry, and garnish with lots of chopped cilantro and a dash of garam masala.

• Meatless meatballs (this is the version I made last night)
• Halved hard-boiled eggs
• Sauteed or boiled mixed vegetables (peas, carrots, cauliflower)
• Roasted butternut squash
• Vegetable koftas 

On The Bookshelf

(Mama Goes To School)

V and I live our life together in a rather practical, low-key manner. When we were expecting Lila, we knew we wanted to give her a secure and modest upbringing without obsessively making parenting the be-all and end-all of our existence. We joked that we have raised a dog together and he turned out OK (...I think, on most days!) and we would raise the baby the same way, with rules and routines and an abundance of love. I declared to my friends that I was going to raise Lila using a novel parenting technique called common sense. The point is that I don't think for a moment that you need to read parenting books or adhere to some idealized parenting style in order to be a good parent.

But the fact is that I like to read, and the other fact is that parenting is a whole lot more fun that I ever imagined. I really do want to read more on the subject and perhaps learn some tips on how to raise a kind and well-adjusted child who will be an asset to her community.

I often forget what I read, and my blog is my reference book of sorts, so starting with this post, I will occasionally write a mini synopsis of parenting (and other) books that I read. I'm jotting down what I see as the take-home message of the book, points that I want to remember. This is all very subjective, of course. But if you are interested, I invite you to read along and chime in with your thoughts.

The first book I chose is Nurtureshock: New Thinking About Children by Po Bronson & Ashley Merryman.  They take 10 parenting topics and discuss child development research which has surprising findings that go against popular notions about these topics.

Chapter 1. The Inverse Power of Praise
Praise effort instead of praising smartness. To be effective, praise needs to be specific and sincere (no distracted and generic "good job" and "you're so smart"). Let kids develop accurate awareness of how well they are doing instead of automatically giving them a gold star for every small thing, effectively making them praise junkies. The information in this chapter is available as a magazine article here.

Chapter 2. The Lost Hour
Lack of sleep is taking a toll on kids in many more ways than we ever imagined (physically, intellectually, emotionally) so make sure kids are not over-scheduled. School start times are scheduled very early in the morning for adult convenience. If you can't change the school timing, then get kids to sleep early and be extremely committed to protecting sleep time. The relevant article is here.

Chapter 3. Why White Parents Don't talk About Race
Children are inherently prone to categorization so they notice external differences such as differences in skin color. It is important to have explicit discussions about race, especially when the child is 5 to 6 years old. Read the article here.

Chapter 4. Why Kids Lie
Children learn to lie from an extremely early age, and in fact intelligent kids are better liars. Young kids lie to keep parents happy, because they see the parents' displeasure when they admit to using crayons on the walls (or whatever). To reduce lying, explain to kids that telling the truth will not result in punishment but telling lies will result in punishment:  "I will not be upset with you if you (did the bad thing) and if you tell the truth, I will be really happy". Another point is that kids learn to lie from us, because even the most honest adult tells plenty of lies (white lies, like "I love the gift" when you don't). Kids learn that lies are an easy way to prevent conflict. Read the article here.

Chapter 5. The Search for Intelligent Life in Kindergarten.
Intelligence is very fluid in young children and it is better to wait until third grade to test children for being placed in gifted programs in school. Testing before then misses the mark in many cases.

Chapter 6. The Sibling Effect. 
The theory that "only" children lack social skills has never been proven. Kids have no incentives to be nice to their siblings because the sibling will always be there, whereas you lose friends if you can't get along with them. So don't feel guilty if you decide to have an only child, and if you have more than one child, work to create opportunities for them to have fun together.

Chapter 7. The Science of Teen Rebellion
Teenagers lie a lot to their parents, especially to avoid arguments. To reduce lying, set consistent rules for your teenager but be open to discussing them and making exceptions when necessary. Whatever- I'll re-read this chapter in 10 years.

Chapter 8. Can Self-Control be Taught? 
This chapter discusses a particular preschool and kindergarten program called Tools of the Mind.  Even at that young age, kids learn to think critically about what they are doing instead of completing assignments mechanically. For instance, practicing writing the letter "A" over and over again is a common activity for this crowd. Make the child circle the best example of the letter on every line to see the difference between a good attempt and a better one. Another good idea is "buddy reading" where kids take turns reading to each other. There are complex play scenarios and plenty of room for imagination. There is more of this concept in this NYT article.

Chapter 9. Plays Well With Others
This chapter asks the question: Why are kids aggressive? For me, the take-home points for raising a kinder kid are (1) Realize that some TV shows for kids are clearly violent but even the ones that qualify as educational television are full of relational aggression (gossip, rumor-spreading, merciless teasing, etc.) and verbal aggression (name-calling etc.). (2) Children are very sensitive to the relationship between their parents. Since some amount of bickering and arguing is bound to happen in most relationships, you can protect the child by letting her witness not just the argument but the happy resolution of the argument. (3) Make sure kids get social time with people of all ages and not just peers of the same age. (4) "Progressive" dads are much more involved in child care than "traditional" dads but paradoxically, progressive dads have kids who are more aggressive because they typically fail to discipline effectively and consistently. V is a progressive dad in every sense and has a long history of playing "good cop" with Dalu (guess who plays "bad cop" every single time?) so we'll have to work on this one as Lila gets older.

Chapter 10. Why Hannah Talks and Alyssa Doesn't
This chapter was immediately relevant to me because it discusses how infants develop verbal skills. Babies benefit when you talk to them often, but make it a mock conversation and respond to their sounds instead of simply chattering non-stop to the baby. Seven practical tips from this chapter are listed here.

Conclusion
(1) We need to understand that things don't necessarily work the same way in children as they do in adults. (2) Children seem to be walking contradictions- we tend to categorize things as either good for kids or bad for kids but child psychology is often more complicated than that.

This blog has discussions on all the chapters in this book.

Enjoy the weekend!